Maintaining relationships with the children who are no longer in their care is hugely important to women working with Pause. While the research shows that for many children, maintaining these important relationships with their birth relatives can have a positive impact on their wellbeing and development, research also shows that the current system isn’t working to support relationships over time.
This report is an exploration into the experiences of contact after adoption of birth mothers working with Pause, to identify areas of practice that can make a real difference.
What did we do?
We worked with a group of birth mothers to identify some of the challenges with contact and explore with them what had, or could, make a difference. They supported us to identify the key messages in the report and generously shared their experiences with us. We also drew from our quarterly learning logs from Pause Practitioners and the women they support to understand the themes that emerge in practice when supporting birth mothers with contact.
“Our hope for the system in the future is that it will help children, birth families and adoptive families maintain positive relationships, so that children grow up knowing they are loved by both parts of their families, and that we all want what’s best for them.”- Birth mothers
What did we learn?
This report highlights three key areas of practice that can make a real difference:
Support to lay the foundations for keeping in touch after adoption
Helping birth mums be part of planning final or “goodbye for now” contact, including making keepsakes, can leave a lasting, positive memory for the child. Emotional and practical support before, during, and after this process is vital.
When birth and adoptive parents meet face to face, it often builds trust, eases anxiety, and creates a better foundation for future contact. Birth mums need time and support to feel ready for this.
An individualised and flexible approach to contact
Every family is different. Contact should be flexible and reviewed over time, adapting to what’s best for the child and what each family needs. This can include face-to-face meetings, digital contact, or other ways of staying in touch. Support should also help families manage unexpected contact, especially through social media.
Support to maintain relationships
Birth mothers face grief, trauma, and loss, all of which can act as barriers to contact. But with consistent, trauma-informed support from someone they trust, they’re more able to engage in contact in a way that works for everyone involved.
We know that navigating relationships after adoption is difficult for everyone involved. However, we also know that with the right support at the right time it is possible and can make a difference for adopted children and their families.
