By Vicky S
My personal experience of post-adoption contact is a good one. I have letterbox contact once a year, and the adopter tells me everything about my little girl. She tells me how she is doing at nursery, how her spelling is coming on and her writing, and how she has made so many friends. She also lets me know if she has been unwell or in hospital, even details like her shoe size and how long her hair is. If I ever have any questions, she will always answer them.
It all came about when Pause came into my life. My Pause worker asked me if I wanted letterbox contact. I was not sure at first, but I spoke with my Pause worker and then my mum and they both said the same thing – that I would probably regret not knowing how my little girl was doing, or if she has had anything go wrong with her. There was one time that she was unwell and straight away the adopter told me.
I have the utmost respect for the adopter, and this is easier because I met her face-to-face. My Pause worker came along with me for support, and I found that me and the adopter actually got on. We still do in the letters, we both ask how each other is doing and we are actually like friends when we write back and forth. This was set up by my Pause worker and I am so pleased that she did. I think we both find it easier because we met but also as the years have gone by I have found it gets easier in writing the letters.
I did struggle at first. It was not always easy, and I am not going to say it was easy knowing someone else will be bringing up my daughter. But as time goes by and the connection between myself and the adopter strengthens, it is clear we both have the same thing in mind, and that is what is best for my little girl. We both love and care about the same person, and that is my little girl.
The adopter calls me “mummy in London” and that means the world to me – that she still makes sure I am called mummy.
