By Vanessa, Pause Graduate and member of the Advisory Group
The Advisory Group is a group of Pause graduates from across the UK who come together to help Pause make important decisions. This is so that these decisions are influenced by women who have a range of lived experience.
Why am I part of the Pause Advisory Group? To me this is an easy answer. If you want to make change, then you have to get up and be involved to make that change. So when I was asked if I wanted to join so my voice was heard, my answer was a massive yes!!!
I sit back and think about what I want to get out of the Advisory Group? What are my hopes and aspirations?
My answer to that is change. I want to change the systems that failed me since I was a child. I can’t stand the thought of my children, or other women, going through the same system I went through. Why should the system not change instead of the victims always being to blame? We can make significant changes.
I don’t like the word “victim”, so I use the word survivor instead. The word is used against you when going through care proceedings because everyone wants to see you as a victim, not as a survivor. The truth is that my story has a lot of difficult chapters that I have gone through, but I am a survivor and I am here to tell all.
I’m a Geordie and we’re known for having strong voices and opinions. My voice needs to be heard and I want to get my point across, but in the right way. I want people to hear me for who I am, not for who or what they think I should be. With the help of the Pause Advisory Group, I am able to be heard and I am being listened to.
I have been involved in so many campaigns with the Advisory Group. The biggest one for me to date is the #TimeToDeliver campaign on letterbox contact. Letterbox contact is an arrangement between children who are adopted and the birth family and is specifically about the yearly exchange of letters and cards. We feel it’s outdated and doesn’t fulfill the purpose of building and maintaining relationships. We wrote an open letter to the Prime Minister, which I was able to take to 10 Downing Street. In the open letter, we wrote about the issues with the current system, why letterbox contact is important for everyone involved, and we made suggestions for how it could be improved. It takes time but change does happen. My voice is being heard and listened to now thanks to the Advisory Group.
I am me, Vanessa, and my voice is one to be heard!!
About the Author
Vanessa has been a Pause Advisory Group member since September 2020. She has been involved in the Knowing They’re Ok campaign on improving contact arrangements, the #TimeToDeliver campaign on letterbox contact, and being consulted on the care review. She has also worked with Open Clasp on a production highlighting the experiences of women who have had children removed. Vanessa is part of the Cafcass Family Forum, influencing their practice. Her hobbies include crafting, reading and true crime.
